Being serious could kill me silently

So maybe if I am nowhere to be seen or hold for you anymore;

then I must be dead.

For not caring about you.

For not counting every seconds catching glances with you.

For the reasons and excuses.

For missing the steps towards you.

For not showing the miracles that actually happened.

For not being the one.

For reaching away from you.

And most that I regret;

for letting you go.

Because I am a joker; and my job is to keep you happy.